The simple life! Family and relationships were everything!
My grandmother and I used to talk a lot about her childhood and how things were back then. She always said that she had a good childhood, with happy memories. I loved to hear her stories. Every time she told one, you could see by the smile on her face that it was as if she was reliving the moment. I loved to ask her specific questions. First, to find out as much as I could about this woman that I loved and admired so much. Second, I wanted to absorb as many memories as possible, knowing that I would surely far outlive her. My nanny was a Saint! I often wondered as a child if she had angel dust sprinkled on her. As I got older, I knew she did! She was not only my guardian angel, she lived a life of rescuing people, providing for them, and helping them in any way she could. Hearing her stories, I also liked to compare life in her day and time, to the current day. It was amazing to realize just how much things had changed over the years.
Nanny came from a family of thirteen children. Nine boys and four girls. Life was simple back then. Simple, but certainly not easy! Her parents, Mama & Papa Born had their work cut out for them raising this large family (some of whom are pictured above)! I believe in all of Nanny’s stories, sacrifice would be the common ground. She quit school in the eighth grade to ride the trolley with her younger brother because they needed an education, and her parents couldn’t afford it all. She spoke so sweetly of her mother. How nurturing she was, how she was attentive to all of the kids needs, and how she would listen to what you had to say. She laughed as she reminisced about the boys always telling their mother about their dates. When I asked her what the most important thing she learned from her mother, without thinking, she said “She taught me how to cook, to respect other people, and to think about how other people feel.” As I reflect on that statement, I’d say that my nanny learned and became “who” she was, greatly due to the influence of her mother! They couldn’t afford a lot of extras at their house. But, Nanny said that every once and a while, Mama Born would bake them a cake. Aside from cakes, breads are also wonderful to bake. As a bread lover, one may ask questions like is honey wheat bread healthy.
The kids would all ask what the special occasion was. Nanny said it tasted the best when there wasn’t an occasion, she just did it as a special treat for all of the kids.
Then there was the Bailiff! Papa Born was the Bailiff for Fulton County. Between this, and growing produce in his garden to sell to a local market, Papa Born wasn’t home much. He was a hard worker, and he had the respect of Mama Born and the children. One of Nanny’s most prominent memories about her father was how he would whip the boys, and it would scare her. She remembered one time that her father whipped Little Buddy and JS with a shoe. She didn’t remember much about why they got the whippings, but she said she was sure they deserved it! As she got older, she said she loved to sit and talk to her dad. The most important thing she learned from him was to work hard. I would say she learned that well. She retired from the Atlanta Police Department in 1986 I believe it was, with 16 years of service.
When asked at Eighty years old what her most valued possessions were, she said “Mama Born’s washstand, my rings, and all of my pictures.” I asked why. She said “The washstand, because it was Mama’s and because I hid my rings in it when your granddaddy gave them to me, so no one would find out.” Humbling! I also remember her telling me stories of Christmas. How excited they would be when they woke up Christmas morning to find that each of them would have an apple, an orange, and a peppermint stick in their stocking. Christmas brought these special treats and usually a new dress for the girls, handmade by Mama. I can’t remember what the boys would get. Nanny didn’t say much about the faith of her family as a whole, but she spoke often of how her sister Ruby took her to church. Ruby was ten years old when Nanny was born. Mama Born actually let Ruby name her. When Nanny was just a young girl, Ruby began taking her to church with her. My grandmother loved school, and loved church even more! She had friends there, and it was really the only place they got to go away from home. Except for the rare occasion they went to an older siblings house who was married. A simple life.
When I asked Nanny (at about 80 years old) what things were better back then, she stated “people depended on each other more, and were more concerned about each other and the needs of others. People were more family oriented. This was a big deal. Family was ALWAYS important to my grandmother. She always made everyone feel wanted and accepted. She loved large and unconditional, with everything she had. She gave sacrificially and generously, never expecting anything in return. You could spend ten minutes with her and know that God, family, friends, and people in general were the most important things in her life. Hmmmm……. To think that they weren’t even “things” at all!
I’d say a lot has changed since she was a little girl. Of course things have advanced and upgraded with technology, etc. But I’d say that people have changed the most! Family used to mean everything to people. But not just that. Neighbors, friends, people in your community used to be treated as family, in high regard. Even a stranger was treated better than most people treat their families now days. People from my grandmother’s era understood the importance and value of relationships! Not just family at large, but marital relationships, friendships and even business relationships. They understood that the foundation of family and healthy relationships made a difference in EVERY aspect of their lives. If you ask me, I think a lot of todays health problems, learning disabilities, mental illnesses, and people just going crazy, are a direct result of unhealthy relationships! But we’ll save that for another time. I often ponder relationships and I wonder what causes so much division between people. Why is it so easy for people to disregard others? to write them off, like they’ve never been in their life. Yes, this has happened in my own family, but this post will not discuss that directly. However, I have talked to at least four or five people in the past week or so, that have broken families or relationships. There are the people who have shut others out, and the people who have been shut out. I think a lot of times it really has nothing to do with the person who has been shut out, and everything to do with the person who has shut them out. You have the Self Protectors, they have been hurt in some way and shut the other person out to keep from being hurt again. I referenced this in my last post. Then there are the Controllers. They shut you out because they want power. They may not have been able to control anything in the relationship, or any relationship, or in life in general for that matter, so they shut you out BECA– USE THEY CAN. It’s a control thing. The unforgiving are like the self protectors and the controllers in a lot of ways, but they think that everyone is out to get them, to hurt them, so they use their control to self protect. They become very bitter and will often shut people out for small things that really don’t matter, or create a problem so they can be the one to end the relationship (maintaining control), to hurt others instead of being the one to get hurt. Another group will shut you out because they have gotten everything they can from you and have sucked the life out of you, so you are of no value to them anymore. This is the selfish! They are only about themselves and what you can give them, or do for them. Oh, We cant forget the jealous! These people hate you as much as they hate themselves! They see you, your heart, your life, your successes, your happiness, and they are jealous! They wish they were just like you, or at least had some of your great qualities! They cant stand who they are and want to change things about themselves, but they don’t have the courage or will power to do it, so they become bitter and shut anyone out that reminds them of “who” they want to be. The last group I’ll reference are the unloved, unwanted, rejected, broken, fearful and hopeless. These people have been hurt more times than you can count, have been rejected time and time again, feel that they are worthless or unvalued and no one loves them, they are afraid of people in general, they have lost all hope in having meaningful relationships. They have just given up! The irony here is: of all of the groups of people above, we have all been included in many of them at different times in our lives.
How we act or even feel is often circumstantial. Granted, some people are just gifted with extending grace, and have an easier time forgiving, but regardless, it is still work! I am one of these people, but it still took me years to realize that when things don’t seem quite right in a relationship, that I have a responsibility. I cannot make anyone else feel or act a certain way. But I can choose how I act or respond. Even if I “feel” a certain way, my actions do not have to be driven by my emotions. I love the saying ” Apologizing doesn’t always mean that you are right, and the other person is wrong. It just means that you value the relationship more than your ego.” This is a very humbling place to be. If a relationship really means a lot to us, we should be willing to swallow our pride and do what it takes to make it right. Maybe you’ve got a broken relationship with a friend or family member. Consider what steps you can take to mend it. Odds are, it will take way less than what you expect. Humility and kindness can go a long way! I understand there are relationships that are cut off for healthy reasons. But this isn’t the majority. Consider today what you can do to mend, nourish, grow, or even start some healthy relationships in your life. Everyone needs to know that they have people who love and care about them in their lives. People they can depend on to help them when life gets hard. We all need to feel loved and accepted! Be friendly to strangers! Treat everyone (including your family and friends), like they are valued and important. Its sometimes much easier for us to be nice to strangers than it is our own family. Don’t let this be the case for you! Make your focus this Christmas season, treating others like you want to be treated, valuing, seeing and loving people like JESUS does, (that’s a challenge for you)! If we purpose in our hearts to do these things, it will make a world of difference in our lives , and we will soon find that we are happier, healthier, and surrounded by people who mean the world to us!
With thanks to a Godly grandmother who set the example to teach me how to love unconditionally, value people, family and relationships, and to seek after God!
Be blessed friends!
Tandy
You never know how hearing YOUR STORY will affect someone else! Whether you have a great story, a sad story, a horrible story, a miraculous story, etc. No one can tell YOUR story like you can! The story is yours for a reason and there is someone out there who needs to hear it! It’s amazing how even the things we wish we could erase from our story, are used to benefit others, if we will just be open to allowing our story to be heard.
